Endings are better than beginnings (Andrea)

In a couple of weeks I will partake in the annual celebration of my birth. I'm not one who wants any fuss. (Unless it is an 80's themed roller skating party to which everyone would be invited!) I will usually tell Darrell specifically not to do anything to draw attention to that day. (I will also refrain from posting the date in this blog... it will remain a mystery!) Regardless of however little or much commotion is made of the day one thing always remains true for me. Birthdays are always a day of reflection for me as well as a time to set goals for the future.

Anyone who knows me well enough knows that I am a planner. My life is on a very strategic timeline. We all have come to the realization that life doesn't always go according to plan but there is something to be said for setting some goals and striving to meet them. God has a way of reconfiguring the things I do though.

The main reason for liking my life on a timeline is that it is neat and tidy. (That is a whole other obsessive-compulsive disorder I have in and of itself... love neat and tidy!) I really think I had succumb to the whole "you can never over-plan" philosophy. But what happens when God throws you the proverbial curve ball? I think a symptom of the timeline lifestyle is there isn't a lot of time left over to enjoy the things that are going on now. God has a way of reminding me not to take the here and now for granted. What is He teaching me now that I would not be able to see if my eyes are only focused on the next and later?

My tendencies to plan come from a place of thinking that if everything is already set up then nothing can fail. With failure comes disappointment and sadness. The problem with this is that if the plans are only "Andrea-made" then I have set myself up for failure because without Christ I can do nothing. I gotta lay it down. I love that God has given me the ability to cry as He is showing me things. I used to be very hard, closed off and lacking any outward emotion. Crying used to be cowardly to me. I was confirmed in my gratitude for tears tonight as I read Ecclesiastes. I love how the message translation puts it in chapter 7. "Crying is far better than laughing. It blotches the face but it scours the heart. Sages invest themselves in hurt and grieving. Fools waste their lives in fun and games.... Endings are better than beginnings. Sticking to it is better than standing out." I long for more wisdom and discernment from the Lord. I know He has Darrell and I exactly where He wants us but sometimes I want to see more results sooner. I fail to realize that sticking to it is better than standing out at times. We have all heard that perserverance builds character but, you know what, sometimes I don't want to perservere. I want INSTANT GRATIFICATION so I can move onto the next project on my calandar! That is what our society tells us we deserve... even the church has fallen under a hyper-prosperity doctrine. What is wrong with me? I am realizing that I need to put my timeline down and focus on the here and now. Here- C3 Church reaching and connecting Orlando to Christ like never before. Now- Almost 200 new believers that are a part of my family that I will spend eternity with. Lord, scour my heart even if I have to cry a million more tears. I want to grieve for those who are lost and hopeless without you even if it means missing a thousand of my self-gratifying deadlines. The only hour that matters is the last. Lord thank you for the promise of the end being far better than the beginning. With that promise I live in the now.